My Testimony and My Plea

I'm not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I'm not eloquent with words or a great writer (though I have a million stories I'd like to write one day) and I often misspeak and or say things that come across as slightly different than I intended.

I'm human.
I'm fallible.
I admit it!

But make so mistake that when I say I am a daughter of God who loves me, and I love Him. That I will stand as a witness to God in all times, and in all things and in all places that I do not say it lightly or with a blind eye.

I am a child of God.
I know it.
I love it.
I live it!

I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at the tender age of 8, as were a number of my friends. My mother taught me what was right and what was wrong. She also made it clear, though I was very young,  that baptism and membership in this church was a very large burden and a blessing. It was also my own choice.
I wanted to be baptized and I felt it was right to do. But my mother insisted I think on it first. She read with me from the scriptures daily, helped me pray, encouraged me to read, pray and think on my own as well as ask questions to my Heavenly Father so I could know for sure and for myself that this was the true church. That I knew for myself and not because of what she believed and what my dad believed. They were both devout LDS members and held callings in our ward faithfully and diligently. But it was important to them that I understand that they neither expected nor wanted me to lean on their faith and their testimonies past the age of accountability. (It was revealed to Joseph Smith that age 8 should be the age at which to be baptized, and no sooner, see Doctrine & Covenants 68:25-27) They would be there always to help me understand and lean on their faith when needed but it was time for me to start gaining my own testimony and knowledge for myself.

I thank her everyday for that!

Since then, I have questioned at times my faith and testimony, as I'm sure we all do no matter what religion we belong to. But Throughout the years, the more I pray and ask questions earnestly and with purpose the more I come back to myself and realize that I've already received truth and it will remain true always.

I don't understand everything there is know about the Gospel, and I am far from being able to explain perfectly even half of what I do understand well, because I'm still earning and will continue to learn far after I leave this Earth and depart my mortal body.

But one thing is certain, with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints being brought so closely under scrutiny for many different things from gay marriage, women and the priesthood, and many other things I don't want to really weigh in on now, it is time we all stand for what we know to be true!

We are being watched. We are being scrutinized and just like in old times in the Book of Mormon, and the Bible, lawyers and hypocrites are questioning faithful members and watching them to try to catch them in something contrary to what they say they believe so as to attempt to smear the church and try to destroy it.

These are the last day whether we want to admit it or not and it is now that we must stand for what we believe! Ask questions if you have them and learn by the spirit. be willing to accept the answers that come and hold tight to the light that you have received! Keep striving to learn more, keep praying and reading your scriptures so you can gain higher ground and stand fast and tall in your place that you will not be able to be torn down.

Alma 12: 10-11
10 And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full.

 11 And they that will harden their hearts, to them is given the lesser portion of the word until they know nothing concerning his mysteries; and then they are taken captive by the devil, and led by his will down to destruction. Now this is what is meant by the chains of hell.

Bear your testimonies often so they are shared and can grow. Speak up for what you believe for the adversary is too. Only if wee keep our mouths shut will the adversary win. 

We need to be bold and kind in our words. We need to love one another the way they are but don't need accept the wrong things they do as truth. We can still be kind and loving in our conversations and in sharing our testimonies of the truth. We can still be giving and friendly towards all!

I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church on the face of the Earth that has all the truths, keys and ordinances necessary for our eternal salvation.I know beyond any doubt that it is only through baptism for a remission of our sins and then a constant return to repentance through the atonement of Christ that we can be saved. Only with faith on His name and allowing ourselves to be saved FROM our sins will we find eternal glory with God in the life to come. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is led today by a Prophet of God, even Thomas S Monson that he truly is a Prophet, even as the prophets of old that we read of in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and that he receives divine revelation directly from God for our benefit. I know that Thomas S Monson is just a man, imperfect and with his flaws as we all are, but I also know with a surety that God will NEVER allow him to lead us astray. I know that if we follow the prophet, not blindly, but asking and seeking for answers for ourselves we cannot fail. We will not fall! And we will in the end meet our maker and our Savior Jesus Christ and he will say to us, 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

"The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear; till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done." From The Wentworth Letter, found in the Ensign, July 2002

Keep your eye on the eternal goal. That is my testimony and this is my plea; stand ye in holy places!

Asked & Answered - Accepting Guidance

I’m so very grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ here on Earth today, and grateful for the truths we have with the fullness of the gospel as well as the things we know we can receive, including revelation from God.

The Dark Ages were called such because the world was literally a darker place when Christ’s full gospel and light was taken from the earth. We believe that the dark ages officially came to an end and light was restored to the Earth again when Joseph Smith was called as prophets of old were, to restore the fullness of the gospel to world again. Bringing back the exact same church that Christ had established while he walked the earth in ancient times.

In ancient times people received revelation (as we read in the bible) and during the dark ages, that revelation was largely taken away. Since the restoration we have had that part restored fully to us. Our Church leaders receive revelation directly from God and then they pass that information to us and let us know what God would have us learn. Parents can receive revelation for their families, and individuals have the ability to get personal revelation on matters that will help us with our own direction and growth in life.

Our personal revelation can be received through thoughtful scripture study, prayer, fasting and priesthood blessings. We are free, and even encouraged to, ask our heavenly Father for revelation pertaining to our current circumstances. In our quest for insight and direction from our Father in Heaven, however, we must always be willing and ready to accept whatever council that might be, even if it is the farthest thing we thought we would hear.

God is out Father and as such he loves us deeply and knows what we need to do that will do us the most good and help us grow to become our best possible selves.

My son hates to read. He’s not bad at it, but reading is a lot harder for him naturally than numbers and math are. Numbers click in his head and he is seriously kind of scaring me as to how far advanced he will be in High School and I know I will be in no position to help him with his math assignments. But for now, reading is his challenge and when we sit to practice reading and read books, he wants me to just read the book to him. I read to him all the time, but when it is his time to read to gain that skill, I may as well be pulling his teeth while pinning him down and ripping out his hair for all the effort it takes and the frustration he shows to skill he is learning.

So, I believe, it is with us and God. He gives us guidance and direction when we ask for it. Sometimes it might be something easy and natural that we just get and it clicks with us and while we grow from it and are better for it, it is not a challenge at all. Other times, he asks us to do something that is so completely opposite of what we would choose for ourselves and so far from what we thought ourselves capable of we might be hesitant to obey.

But obey we must if we wish to reach our full potential.

There’s a story about a man who went fishing in a small boat, and he rowed far from the coast. After he was quite far off from the shore his boat sprang a leak. The boat sank and the man was left alone. He could swim so fear wasn’t pressing yet. After a long time of swimming he realized that he needed help and no one was around to offer it. Being a man of great faith, he knew that if he prayed to God for help, God would help him. So he prayed. After his plea for help was sent up to heaven, only a few minutes past before the coast guard came along and offered assistance to the man. The man refused saying, “Thank you! But my God will save me.” An hour or so passed and a deep sea fishing vessel pulled close to the man. The captain yelled, “Man overboard!” and the crew promptly rushed to save the man who was drifting farther and farther to sea. But the man again refused saying, “Thank you! But my God will save me.” A long time after that, the man was quite far out at sea and the water was getting rougher and waves were starting to overcome him. A rescue helicopter was overhead and a latter was lowered with a man hanging from the bottom to help drowning fellow. But once again, the man refused saying, “Thank you! But my God will save me.” After nearly fighting the man to pull him aboard the helicopter the man drowned and was lost forever in the sea. The man opened his eyes in heaven, bewildered and frustrated. HE found God and said, “I prayed to you! I had faith in you! Why did you not save me?” God looked at His son and replied with tears in His eyes, “My dear son, such faith you had, and I wanted to save you. Three times I tried to help you, but you refused the help.”

When we ask for guidance, revelation and help from Heavenly Father we need to be in tune enough with His spirit that we can recognize the answer when it comes, because oftentimes it will come from somewhere we don’t expect it. When we get the answer, even if it’s not the answer we want, we must be willing to try to be humble enough to listen to that. Even if the answer comes from a source other than what we think it should have.

If God has something to tell you, He will tell you! He will try to tell you directly using the Holy Ghost to touch our hearts and our minds with a still small voice, but as humans, we tend to let that voice be buried and remain unheeded. If we ignore that voice, most times, the moment is lost and we don’t get a second chance. But once in a while, God will continue to try to reach you. The message he has for you is so important that it must be heeded and obeyed. So he will try those next to you. When that happens, the message will be blunt. There may be a chastisement, but it will be out of love. At that point it is our solemn duty to obey and follow what God has told us. No matter the voice used to relay the message, no matter the message itself.

Blessing are promised to those who obey the commandments of God. And as we strive to follow His will and keep His commandments and abide by his council we will be blessed continually.

Let us not doubt His love for us. Let us follow His guidance and continually seek for further light and knowledge. We are blessed with the ability and gift of revelation. Let us ask for it! But be willing to follow that guidance and council and even chastisements if it is what we need. No matter how hard reading is for us, our Father knows it is a skill that will bring us great joy, happiness and blessings in the future!

Once Upon A Time...Happily Ever After

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She met a boy. They fell madly in love. That’s all they needed. They got married and their fairy tale came true, so they lived happily ever after!

That pretty much sums up every single princess/love story out there and it kind of makes me sad.

When I was little, my friends and my sisters would play with their dolls. Their dolls would get married, they had babies, and they would all be a happy little family. That’s not a bad thing, but when my sister and I would go to my friend’s house to play and we would pull out the doll house and the Barbie bin and all the clothes a sense of dread would fill me to the brim. I played with them, because that’s what they wanted to do and time spent with my two best friends was more important than the actual activity. But we would spend a minimum of an hour sitting, dressing and pretending the dolls were alive. If I remember correctly, the Ken dolls would almost always date Barbie and they’d fall in love. Sometimes they’d get married and have a happy family. For me, it seemed like a huge waste of time. Time that would be better spent playing in the dirt, jumping on my friend’s trampoline, building a HUGE house in the field with walls made out of rocks and sticks, or pretty much doing anything other than play with dolls or stuffed animals. Unless we were playing with the baby dolls. I did LOVE playing mommy.

The baby dolls were different and I couldn’t ever figure out why. I just knew I didn’t really enjoy playing with the other dolls because it all seemed, well, too pretend-y I guess. (Well - it’s a word now!)

Sadly, my parent’s marriage was not successful. Both my parents loved us and to this day, they are good friends and beyond civil towards each other (heck, they lived next door to one another for years after the divorce). But in my younger years, I was always a little more attentive to real life situations than most kids my age, and it was evident that my Dad didn’t quite step up where he should. Being aware of this, I think, helped shape my future and my ideals of dating and marriage.

I remember helping my mom with dishes when I was very young, standing on a chair next to the sink, and thinking, I can’t wait to get married and do the dishes with my husband. I’d day dream of my future mate standing next to me at the sink, washing dishes, but of us getting raisin fingers together. Sometimes playfully splashing each other, but mostly just cleaning with one another. Other occasions I’d see my mom going through tough times, or a financial struggle or whatever, and she’d be sitting at the table or on the couch, looking at bills or crying because she felt alone (I don’t know if she ever realized I saw her) and trying to figure out the situation, most of the time alone. And I would think, I can’t wait until I’m married and I can have problems to solve with my husband, and together. I’d envision me and my future husband sitting at the table holding hand talking about a problem and knowing that it would be OK because we were working it out together. I know I’m strange, but I couldn’t wait to have issues to work through! Couldn’t wait to work hard side by side with my best friend.

When my sister and I entered high school (we are only 19 months apart) she dated, had lots of guy friends, and if I remember right a few “boyfriends” as well. All my friends had boyfriends or girlfriends, and “serious” relationships off and on throughout high school. I went on lots of dates but never really had a “boyfriend” not because there wasn’t a guy who I didn’t have interest in, but because the idea never appealed to me. I knew that I was still very young. I knew the feelings I felt were very real, but also my experiences would change who I was in the coming years. I knew that even if I got married young, and found my “soul mate” the time between then and now would be a minimum of four years, and a lot happens in that time. I knew that any serious relationship I started would end one of two ways; either we would break up and one or both of us would be seriously hurt, or we would be together FOREVER. And forever was something I wasn’t anywhere near ready to start thinking about. So rather than take a chance on someone I knew little to nothing real about, I just dated a lot. Had a lot of fun and learned what different people were like. I tested the waters and made a mental list of attributes that I had to have, and would not stand for.

After I got back from serving a Latter Day Saint (LDS or Mormon) mission, I fell into the same pattern. Having a serious relationship interested me more at this point, but at the same time, until I dated a lot (I mean a LOT) I didn’t want to risk an unnecessary heart ache that could be avoided by just having fun and making friends. I figured, I’d go on dates, lots of them, and yes I’d date the same guys over and over again and once I got to the point that I felt we’d be compatible possibly eternally, then we could become an official “couple”.

There was one guy I dated a LOT and hung out with quite a bit and thought I might be interested in taking that step, but when the time came to actually decide on it, I chose otherwise. Something in me held back and I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. So instead I continued dating him off and on, but pursued other possibilities.

Then I saw this nerdy kid. He was roommates with one of my dearest friends. We were all hanging out at another friend’s house to watch a movie. I won’t say what movie it was, as I thought it was one of the most ridiculous wastes of time I’d ever experienced. But I looked over at this total nerd. Knew he didn’t really know me, so I got his cell number from my friend and started texting this nerdy kid out of sheer boredom, hoping to freak him out from not knowing who the crap was sending him these random text messages. Instead of freaking him out, however, it turned into flirting and he asked me out on a date. We went on a few dates and he invited me to his work picnic and introduced me as his girlfriend. I was livid! I wanted to punch him and say “What the CRAP! We are NOT together like that.” But when I turned to look at him, he just smiled at me and held my hand. For the first time in my life I finally felt that this geek was worth risking a broken heart for. 

I took that chance, and no one got a broken heart. It worked out. We’ve been married for nearly eight years, and have four beautiful children.

Here’s the kicker though, we are complete opposites. We don’t have much in common at all! I’m an extravert, he’s an introvert. I’m all theater and parties and friends, he’d be happier sitting at home all day playing his computer. (When I said our mutual friend dragged him, I’m very nearly serious about it – but he did make him come, a choice which my now husband would not have made that night on his own.) We have almost exactly the same taste in décor, baby names, books and movies but other than that, we couldn’t be more different. 

Naturally, we have had a plethora of issues and we’ve worked them all out. We’ve never really fought and our most heated arguments have not been more than emotional for both of us. We work on our problems together and there are many of them. We both make compromises and our marriage is a lot of hard work. And I love my husband more every day because we work together, even if it’s not very well all the time. We are happy and very much in love.

After we had been married for a little while, I was expecting a baby at the time, my mother met a man. They fell madly in love. That’s all they needed. They got married and their fairy tale came true, so they lived happily ever after! Instead of being happy for them, I was pissed! We’d go over to visit and they’d be absolutely glowing! They were always happy, they had positively everything they wanted and needed and my mom couldn’t stop talking about how happy she was all the time. Every freaking second. My animosity for their happiness was disgusting at best.

One night, my husband and I were sitting at home, I had a small baby, I was very emotional from my hormones, I didn’t know how to deal with all of these issues that we were dealing with and all I could think of was my mom and her perfect marriage! She had her happy ever after and I had been lied to! There was such a thing as endless bliss in marriage and here I was stuck with this lump of momentary infatuation I had mistaken for “the real thing” and I blew up. I got mad at my husband, I packed a bag and I put my baby son in his car seat. My husband looked at me with tears in his eyes as I walked out the door and went to my car. I put our baby on the ground so I could open the door and my beautiful husband stood there looking at me. 

“We made promises, and I can’t stop you. But if you really want to just walk out on this and throw it away instead of working at it, what am I supposed to do?” I’ve replayed this over and over in my head. And I’m still haunted by it. But I looked back at him and I honestly didn’t know if I loved him. Had I ever really loved him? It really didn’t matter, because he was right. We had made promises, eternal ones. And I owed it to myself and my Heavenly Father to work it out with this man as long as he was willing to work it out with me. This was the lowest point of our marriage, and the blame all goes to me. I was the one who wanted to quit. I was the one who felt I had been cheated and I was the one who allowed myself to let the fictional stories and envy I had for others cloud my love for my husband. I had allowed other things and other people come between me and the man I married. And for however small a moment that was, I can never ever fully repay him that weakness. But I will try desperately for the rest of eternity, because as it turns out, I love him more every single day.

Shortly after this, my mother divorced her perfect husband. An unwelcome relief spilled over me and I talked to her about it. I told her how I had felt betrayed by her, and how I had felt lied to for all my childhood and how marriage was work. She then admitted that they had had problems, big ones that shouldn’t have been ignored when they were dating, and couldn’t be ignored any longer. They weren’t happy at all and the love she thought she felt had merely attention from a man that had been filling whole she had needed to be filled. But none of it was real, true love. She then told me how jealous she had been of my relationship with my husband.

At that moment, I felt more validated than I ever really knew I needed. I didn’t have a fairy tale ending and I didn’t have a perfect life, but I had a perfect marriage. What made it perfect was that despite all our differences, all our problems and all of our individual imperfections, we wanted the same eternal goals and we were willing to fight side by side for them. Working together. That’s what makes a marriage perfect. That’s what I have! There are still brief moments when my husband and I don’t get along perfectly, but that’s just because we aren’t perfect. Our love has changed and grown and been molded into something I never would have recognized as love when we first started dating.

Don’t give up on your marriage, EVER! As long as your partner is willing to work it out, then work together. That’s what happened with my parents. My dad didn’t want to work at it. I love him, I always will. So if your spouse is willing to work it out, really think to yourself - You made promises, and they can’t stop you. But if you really want to just walk out on what you’ve built together and throw it away instead of working at it, what are they supposed to do? At that point it’s all going to be on you. You will be the one that gave up. Don’t give up! If it’s not a fight, and if it isn’t work, then you’re lying to yourself.

A perfect marriage is two imperfect people working together. Fight for your happily ever after!