My Testimony and My Plea

I'm not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I'm not eloquent with words or a great writer (though I have a million stories I'd like to write one day) and I often misspeak and or say things that come across as slightly different than I intended.

I'm human.
I'm fallible.
I admit it!

But make so mistake that when I say I am a daughter of God who loves me, and I love Him. That I will stand as a witness to God in all times, and in all things and in all places that I do not say it lightly or with a blind eye.

I am a child of God.
I know it.
I love it.
I live it!

I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at the tender age of 8, as were a number of my friends. My mother taught me what was right and what was wrong. She also made it clear, though I was very young,  that baptism and membership in this church was a very large burden and a blessing. It was also my own choice.
I wanted to be baptized and I felt it was right to do. But my mother insisted I think on it first. She read with me from the scriptures daily, helped me pray, encouraged me to read, pray and think on my own as well as ask questions to my Heavenly Father so I could know for sure and for myself that this was the true church. That I knew for myself and not because of what she believed and what my dad believed. They were both devout LDS members and held callings in our ward faithfully and diligently. But it was important to them that I understand that they neither expected nor wanted me to lean on their faith and their testimonies past the age of accountability. (It was revealed to Joseph Smith that age 8 should be the age at which to be baptized, and no sooner, see Doctrine & Covenants 68:25-27) They would be there always to help me understand and lean on their faith when needed but it was time for me to start gaining my own testimony and knowledge for myself.

I thank her everyday for that!

Since then, I have questioned at times my faith and testimony, as I'm sure we all do no matter what religion we belong to. But Throughout the years, the more I pray and ask questions earnestly and with purpose the more I come back to myself and realize that I've already received truth and it will remain true always.

I don't understand everything there is know about the Gospel, and I am far from being able to explain perfectly even half of what I do understand well, because I'm still earning and will continue to learn far after I leave this Earth and depart my mortal body.

But one thing is certain, with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints being brought so closely under scrutiny for many different things from gay marriage, women and the priesthood, and many other things I don't want to really weigh in on now, it is time we all stand for what we know to be true!

We are being watched. We are being scrutinized and just like in old times in the Book of Mormon, and the Bible, lawyers and hypocrites are questioning faithful members and watching them to try to catch them in something contrary to what they say they believe so as to attempt to smear the church and try to destroy it.

These are the last day whether we want to admit it or not and it is now that we must stand for what we believe! Ask questions if you have them and learn by the spirit. be willing to accept the answers that come and hold tight to the light that you have received! Keep striving to learn more, keep praying and reading your scriptures so you can gain higher ground and stand fast and tall in your place that you will not be able to be torn down.

Alma 12: 10-11
10 And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full.

 11 And they that will harden their hearts, to them is given the lesser portion of the word until they know nothing concerning his mysteries; and then they are taken captive by the devil, and led by his will down to destruction. Now this is what is meant by the chains of hell.

Bear your testimonies often so they are shared and can grow. Speak up for what you believe for the adversary is too. Only if wee keep our mouths shut will the adversary win. 

We need to be bold and kind in our words. We need to love one another the way they are but don't need accept the wrong things they do as truth. We can still be kind and loving in our conversations and in sharing our testimonies of the truth. We can still be giving and friendly towards all!

I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church on the face of the Earth that has all the truths, keys and ordinances necessary for our eternal salvation.I know beyond any doubt that it is only through baptism for a remission of our sins and then a constant return to repentance through the atonement of Christ that we can be saved. Only with faith on His name and allowing ourselves to be saved FROM our sins will we find eternal glory with God in the life to come. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is led today by a Prophet of God, even Thomas S Monson that he truly is a Prophet, even as the prophets of old that we read of in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and that he receives divine revelation directly from God for our benefit. I know that Thomas S Monson is just a man, imperfect and with his flaws as we all are, but I also know with a surety that God will NEVER allow him to lead us astray. I know that if we follow the prophet, not blindly, but asking and seeking for answers for ourselves we cannot fail. We will not fall! And we will in the end meet our maker and our Savior Jesus Christ and he will say to us, 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

"The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear; till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done." From The Wentworth Letter, found in the Ensign, July 2002

Keep your eye on the eternal goal. That is my testimony and this is my plea; stand ye in holy places!

Asked & Answered - Accepting Guidance

I’m so very grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ here on Earth today, and grateful for the truths we have with the fullness of the gospel as well as the things we know we can receive, including revelation from God.

The Dark Ages were called such because the world was literally a darker place when Christ’s full gospel and light was taken from the earth. We believe that the dark ages officially came to an end and light was restored to the Earth again when Joseph Smith was called as prophets of old were, to restore the fullness of the gospel to world again. Bringing back the exact same church that Christ had established while he walked the earth in ancient times.

In ancient times people received revelation (as we read in the bible) and during the dark ages, that revelation was largely taken away. Since the restoration we have had that part restored fully to us. Our Church leaders receive revelation directly from God and then they pass that information to us and let us know what God would have us learn. Parents can receive revelation for their families, and individuals have the ability to get personal revelation on matters that will help us with our own direction and growth in life.

Our personal revelation can be received through thoughtful scripture study, prayer, fasting and priesthood blessings. We are free, and even encouraged to, ask our heavenly Father for revelation pertaining to our current circumstances. In our quest for insight and direction from our Father in Heaven, however, we must always be willing and ready to accept whatever council that might be, even if it is the farthest thing we thought we would hear.

God is out Father and as such he loves us deeply and knows what we need to do that will do us the most good and help us grow to become our best possible selves.

My son hates to read. He’s not bad at it, but reading is a lot harder for him naturally than numbers and math are. Numbers click in his head and he is seriously kind of scaring me as to how far advanced he will be in High School and I know I will be in no position to help him with his math assignments. But for now, reading is his challenge and when we sit to practice reading and read books, he wants me to just read the book to him. I read to him all the time, but when it is his time to read to gain that skill, I may as well be pulling his teeth while pinning him down and ripping out his hair for all the effort it takes and the frustration he shows to skill he is learning.

So, I believe, it is with us and God. He gives us guidance and direction when we ask for it. Sometimes it might be something easy and natural that we just get and it clicks with us and while we grow from it and are better for it, it is not a challenge at all. Other times, he asks us to do something that is so completely opposite of what we would choose for ourselves and so far from what we thought ourselves capable of we might be hesitant to obey.

But obey we must if we wish to reach our full potential.

There’s a story about a man who went fishing in a small boat, and he rowed far from the coast. After he was quite far off from the shore his boat sprang a leak. The boat sank and the man was left alone. He could swim so fear wasn’t pressing yet. After a long time of swimming he realized that he needed help and no one was around to offer it. Being a man of great faith, he knew that if he prayed to God for help, God would help him. So he prayed. After his plea for help was sent up to heaven, only a few minutes past before the coast guard came along and offered assistance to the man. The man refused saying, “Thank you! But my God will save me.” An hour or so passed and a deep sea fishing vessel pulled close to the man. The captain yelled, “Man overboard!” and the crew promptly rushed to save the man who was drifting farther and farther to sea. But the man again refused saying, “Thank you! But my God will save me.” A long time after that, the man was quite far out at sea and the water was getting rougher and waves were starting to overcome him. A rescue helicopter was overhead and a latter was lowered with a man hanging from the bottom to help drowning fellow. But once again, the man refused saying, “Thank you! But my God will save me.” After nearly fighting the man to pull him aboard the helicopter the man drowned and was lost forever in the sea. The man opened his eyes in heaven, bewildered and frustrated. HE found God and said, “I prayed to you! I had faith in you! Why did you not save me?” God looked at His son and replied with tears in His eyes, “My dear son, such faith you had, and I wanted to save you. Three times I tried to help you, but you refused the help.”

When we ask for guidance, revelation and help from Heavenly Father we need to be in tune enough with His spirit that we can recognize the answer when it comes, because oftentimes it will come from somewhere we don’t expect it. When we get the answer, even if it’s not the answer we want, we must be willing to try to be humble enough to listen to that. Even if the answer comes from a source other than what we think it should have.

If God has something to tell you, He will tell you! He will try to tell you directly using the Holy Ghost to touch our hearts and our minds with a still small voice, but as humans, we tend to let that voice be buried and remain unheeded. If we ignore that voice, most times, the moment is lost and we don’t get a second chance. But once in a while, God will continue to try to reach you. The message he has for you is so important that it must be heeded and obeyed. So he will try those next to you. When that happens, the message will be blunt. There may be a chastisement, but it will be out of love. At that point it is our solemn duty to obey and follow what God has told us. No matter the voice used to relay the message, no matter the message itself.

Blessing are promised to those who obey the commandments of God. And as we strive to follow His will and keep His commandments and abide by his council we will be blessed continually.

Let us not doubt His love for us. Let us follow His guidance and continually seek for further light and knowledge. We are blessed with the ability and gift of revelation. Let us ask for it! But be willing to follow that guidance and council and even chastisements if it is what we need. No matter how hard reading is for us, our Father knows it is a skill that will bring us great joy, happiness and blessings in the future!

Just One Of Those Days

I wrote this on Thursday in my moment of frustration: 


It's one of those days.
Not a bad day.
Not a particularly good day.
Just one of those days.

I've got stuff I need to do for my church calling, but I can't really do any of it yet - waiting on some things to come through from others.
I could make phone calls but my kids are so rowdy there's no way I would be able to hear anyone on the other end... Let alone have them hear me.
The dishes could use some cleaning but I'm already dead tired of cleaning the rest of the house and my rationalization that I've done enough cleaning in one day is winning.
Looking at my overly rowdy kids today, I think I should take them to the park to play! But I don't have a vehicle to do that... I guess we could walk... Only I forgot to get the stroller out before Daddy went to work.
I'm slightly dehydrated so my energy levels are low already anyways, so the park is out... and my head hurts just trying to figure out how I'd get 4 kids under age 7 to the park without any kind of wheels.
The kids ate well today.
We've played and laughed together.
But other than that, we haven't done much of anything.
We are all still in our pajamas for goodness sake (and nope... I haven't even put on my bra today - ask me how much I care about that).

We spent a couple days with my in-laws whom I love dearly and couldn't be happier that they came to visit... But it doesn't matter how relaxed a visit from family is, it takes a lot out of you!
We said goodbye to them this morning and while I was sad to see them go, a part of me was yelling, "yay for a LAZY DAY!"

I tried to tell that part of me to shut it. It didn't listen.

So here we are.

In pajamas at nearly 5pm...
...waiting for daddy to come home from work....
   ......so he can join in on the lazy day party....

While days like today don't happen all that often, and even though I have accomplished a lot, (my kids have been playing hard with me today, the house is clean, I got breakfast and lunch for the kids) I still feel like a failure today. No we didn't "get ready for the day". There are two loads of clean laundry waiting to out folded and out away and the dishes in the sink won't clean themselves for some reason. But does that mean I'm a failure?
I know it doesn't, so why do I feel like this?

It's simple really, I'm human.

Humanity is something that I think we tend to take for granted. We see ourselves as we think others see us.
In reality, if almost anyone came into my home right now, they would most likely see a lived in home that is relatively clean for having 4 kids there, happy children and a tied mommy who is doing a pretty good job. (Did I mention I haven't slept well the last few nights due to a teething toddler?)
Being human, however, I tend to be my own worst critic. If I knew no one would come over and I knew that I wouldn't have any company in the next 24 hours I would honestly probably be a lot more lenient toward myself today. But my husband will be home soon, and I have a friend coming over tomorrow morning to watch my kids bright and early so I can go to the temple.

I have an amazing husband who will come home soon and be grateful for watching over and caring for our children. He will be happy at how clean the house is (and to be completely honest, if it wasn't clean, he really wouldn't care) but I still worry about it. Tomorrow my friend would have the same attitude toward my house as she has toward her own, it's a house, and it's clean enough. Haha.
But I still worry.

These thoughts drive me crazy! I worry constantly over what others will think and what it comes down to really, is I worry that I don't think off it highly enough.

What kind of a person am I to not want to do the dishes?
How have you not even cared enough to get your kids or yourself dressed today?
What, you're too good to put clothes in the drawer?

All these things really don't matter. Because these thoughts are only Satan trying to bring me down. And for a minute today, he almost succeeded.

Because it's one of those days.
Not a bad day.
Not a particularly good day.
Just one of those days... And it's so hard! there's so much to do, I don't have any energy to do it and I really don't even care.
It would just be so much easier to give up.
Throw my hands up in the air and say, I QUIT!

But I have to remind myself, that yes it's one of those days.
Just one of those days.... Only one of those days! Just one!
Tomorrow will be different, could be worse, but most likely it'll be better.
Am I really gonna quit over one day?

Nope.
I'll keep on keepin' on.
Pressing forward
And fake it til I make it.

Why?
Because I've come WAY too far to quit because of just ONE stupid day...

Besides, we read constantly in the Book of Mormon, "It came to pass" it never came to stay.

Then, during conference, I had a moment of understanding that kind of defined what was really going on above:

Linda S. Reeves in her talk Saturday morning in General Conference April 2014 said, “It’s Ok if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The Only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer, and weekly family home evening.”

Like Sister Reeves, we try to do these things but they aren’t always the top priority. And, like her, amidst the chaos of everyday life they are sometimes neglected.

When we start focusing on these most important things, even if it means forgetting the chores, letting the kids run around in their pajamas and eating cold cereal for dinner and breakfast, after a while these practices will be more of a help and an enlightening tool that will allow the spirit in our homes and make all the chaos of daily life and home chores be lessened.

Stop beating yourself up over not keeping up with the dishes and letting your kids run around in pajamas. Focus on the better part and keep the spirit in your home. A bonus: the more the spirit is in your home the less you’ll feel guilty about the little things, because in the grand scheme of things, they won’t matter eternally.

Touching Hearts For Good

In October 2013, Pres. Thomas S. Monson addressed the Women of the LDS Church and related a story about a woman, Tiffany, who was afflicted with depression. In short, her appetite had waned and she suffered severe weight loss and her health deteriorated greatly. A friend finally said, “There must be something that sounds good to you.” The, Tiffany replied, “The only thing I can think of that sounds good is homemade bread.” There was none to be had at the moment. The next morning her doorbell rang and a woman she didn’t know, handed a loaf of homemade bread to Tiffany’s husband. As the story unfolds we learn that it was through the enticing and promptings of the Holy Ghost, direct impressions form our Heavenly Father, that this woman had come to bring that bread to Tiffany’s door.

Since then, I’ve heard the story recounted many times in many different places and circumstances, and almost always, it is retold with the note that, We Never Walk Alone. And we don’t! We are reminded through this story that God is aware of our needs and our circumstances. That if we can have faith, we can know that he answers our prayers and helps us when we need Him.

But, something always sticks out to me… The woman that didn’t even really know Tiffany very well at all. Why was she chosen to bring the bread to Tiffany? Why not someone else?

I want to preface by emphasizing that I’m not saying those close to Tiffany were not worthy or were ignoring promptings at all. I just want to make clear that I am not passing judgment at all here.

When I read this story, or hear it retold, I often think of other stories I’ve heard similar to this, where someone was prompted to do something and in following those promptings they were able to touch another person deeply for good.

A woman called LeeAnne had a miscarriage and she and her husband grieved deeply for the loss of their unborn child. A few days after they had experienced the loss, a knock came to the door and woman who they had never recalled meeting, stood with a loaf of banana bread. She informed them that she was friends with the husband’s parents and she had talked with them recently and learned of the young couple’s loss. She had felt deeply moved to get their address and bring them a loaf of bread accompanied with a hand of friendship and an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on should either of them need it. The woman then left and while the couple never reached out to her after that, the fact that they knew they were watched over meant more to them than anything the woman could have said. It left them both stronger and ready to face the rest of world after such a deep heartache.

I don’t know why, but I always relate to the giver rather than the receiver in these stories. And I often find myself thinking, I wish I could be a part of a story like. I wish I could feel the spirit so strongly to know when I was needed somewhere. While these yearnings are, in truth, mostly selfish wanting to be able to be the one that gets to help someone else and be the one that gets to see the surprised look on someone's face when their prayers have been answered through me, there is also the more Christ like desire and aspiration to be close enough to God and His will to be able to receive those kinds of promptings when they are needed.

A runner will lose his speed if he doesn’t practice often, and while I’m far from even in shape, I know many who run and feel a significant difference if they even miss one day of running.

Weight lifters must push their limits continually in order to even hope to be able to lift more than they did to begin with. Its hard work and there are often times when they return from their workout routine more than simply sore.

Chefs study, practice, go through trial and error processes that no one is even aware of until they can find the exact and precise quantities, methods and ingredients to make the perfect dish. Like other professions, if they are out of practice, their perfect recipes can turn into catastrophes if not made frequently enough.

Parents need to hone their skills daily to be able to exercise the patience and disciplines necessary to raise their children. If a parent must leave their children for work, for military duties or anything else, they may find themselves at square one upon their return and it takes practice and much effort to regain the skills they once had.

I’m the oldest of nine children, and when I was younger, I found that my parents far more than 50% of the time would ask me for help doing one task or another. After a while of observing this fact and watching from the sidelines, I tested out my theory. As soon as my baby brother had a messy diaper that needed changed, I would run to the other room and hide and listen. My sister, not 2 years younger than me and every bit as able bodied would be sitting with our mother. Never fail, my mother would call to me from the other room, “Rebecca, will you please come and bring me a diaper for your brother?” I’d laugh and bring it. My father would do similar things as well. Most of the time, they wouldn’t even attempt to ask my younger three siblings for help with things.

It started to bother me after a while, and I approached my parents to confront them about the issue. I asked why they repeatedly asked me to do things around the house even if I was far away in the basement and my brother or sister was standing there next to them. I didn’t expect it at the time, but their answer came as a life lesson to me. They paused and thought about it and answered, “Because you listen.” They explained that it was much easier for them to ask me for help because they knew I would obey the first time in most instances and even if they had to ask two or three times, it was never because if my stubbornness. And that I would do as they asked with the least amount of effort on their part. After we talked, they said they would try to be more aware and give the other kids more opportunities to help so the bulk didn’t fall on me.  They help to their end of the conversation and as my siblings had more opportunities to help, they eventually became more willing and obedient to my parents’ requests.

This is so close to my heart now, and it applies so much to our relationship with God. He is very literally our Father. And as such, he probably feels a lot like my parents did when I was young. He gives us all promptings and inspirations. At first they will be small. Something that isn’t so crucial, something that is really just practice for us to get used to listening to his voice and obeying. Like my mother did when first asking my siblings for more help. It was to get a diaper and bring it to her, or to fetch a spoon so she could make dinner. We will start out getting small thoughts of simple things, maybe it is simply wake up ten minutes early tomorrow and read an extra portion of the scriptures. My mom didn’t ask my sister to watch the baby while she ran upstairs to the bathroom at first until she was sure that she would obey the simpler tasks she had given her. Eventually, my sister became more obedient and she was asked to watch the baby from time to time as well. Likewise, when another of our brothers or sisters on this Earth need their prayers answered through one of us, like a loaf of bread, God will not ask us if he knows we will not obey. Even if he did, we may not be able to recognize his promptings, his voice, because we have not been exercising out ability to hear or recognize it.

If we want to be part of a story like that we must do everything we can to align our will with His and daily exercise our faith in Him. We need to ask Him in earnest prayer to give us opportunities to obey. Ask for his spirit to be with us throughout the day and ask for help recognizing those promptings if we need it. If we do not ask for opportunities, we may not get them.

Let us ask for opportunities to practice listening. Ask for chances to obey. Ask forgiveness when we don’t and chances to try again.

I leave this with you along with the knowledge that I know God is our Father and He loves us individually and without end. God bless and be with you till we meet again.