Just One Of Those Days

I wrote this on Thursday in my moment of frustration: 


It's one of those days.
Not a bad day.
Not a particularly good day.
Just one of those days.

I've got stuff I need to do for my church calling, but I can't really do any of it yet - waiting on some things to come through from others.
I could make phone calls but my kids are so rowdy there's no way I would be able to hear anyone on the other end... Let alone have them hear me.
The dishes could use some cleaning but I'm already dead tired of cleaning the rest of the house and my rationalization that I've done enough cleaning in one day is winning.
Looking at my overly rowdy kids today, I think I should take them to the park to play! But I don't have a vehicle to do that... I guess we could walk... Only I forgot to get the stroller out before Daddy went to work.
I'm slightly dehydrated so my energy levels are low already anyways, so the park is out... and my head hurts just trying to figure out how I'd get 4 kids under age 7 to the park without any kind of wheels.
The kids ate well today.
We've played and laughed together.
But other than that, we haven't done much of anything.
We are all still in our pajamas for goodness sake (and nope... I haven't even put on my bra today - ask me how much I care about that).

We spent a couple days with my in-laws whom I love dearly and couldn't be happier that they came to visit... But it doesn't matter how relaxed a visit from family is, it takes a lot out of you!
We said goodbye to them this morning and while I was sad to see them go, a part of me was yelling, "yay for a LAZY DAY!"

I tried to tell that part of me to shut it. It didn't listen.

So here we are.

In pajamas at nearly 5pm...
...waiting for daddy to come home from work....
   ......so he can join in on the lazy day party....

While days like today don't happen all that often, and even though I have accomplished a lot, (my kids have been playing hard with me today, the house is clean, I got breakfast and lunch for the kids) I still feel like a failure today. No we didn't "get ready for the day". There are two loads of clean laundry waiting to out folded and out away and the dishes in the sink won't clean themselves for some reason. But does that mean I'm a failure?
I know it doesn't, so why do I feel like this?

It's simple really, I'm human.

Humanity is something that I think we tend to take for granted. We see ourselves as we think others see us.
In reality, if almost anyone came into my home right now, they would most likely see a lived in home that is relatively clean for having 4 kids there, happy children and a tied mommy who is doing a pretty good job. (Did I mention I haven't slept well the last few nights due to a teething toddler?)
Being human, however, I tend to be my own worst critic. If I knew no one would come over and I knew that I wouldn't have any company in the next 24 hours I would honestly probably be a lot more lenient toward myself today. But my husband will be home soon, and I have a friend coming over tomorrow morning to watch my kids bright and early so I can go to the temple.

I have an amazing husband who will come home soon and be grateful for watching over and caring for our children. He will be happy at how clean the house is (and to be completely honest, if it wasn't clean, he really wouldn't care) but I still worry about it. Tomorrow my friend would have the same attitude toward my house as she has toward her own, it's a house, and it's clean enough. Haha.
But I still worry.

These thoughts drive me crazy! I worry constantly over what others will think and what it comes down to really, is I worry that I don't think off it highly enough.

What kind of a person am I to not want to do the dishes?
How have you not even cared enough to get your kids or yourself dressed today?
What, you're too good to put clothes in the drawer?

All these things really don't matter. Because these thoughts are only Satan trying to bring me down. And for a minute today, he almost succeeded.

Because it's one of those days.
Not a bad day.
Not a particularly good day.
Just one of those days... And it's so hard! there's so much to do, I don't have any energy to do it and I really don't even care.
It would just be so much easier to give up.
Throw my hands up in the air and say, I QUIT!

But I have to remind myself, that yes it's one of those days.
Just one of those days.... Only one of those days! Just one!
Tomorrow will be different, could be worse, but most likely it'll be better.
Am I really gonna quit over one day?

Nope.
I'll keep on keepin' on.
Pressing forward
And fake it til I make it.

Why?
Because I've come WAY too far to quit because of just ONE stupid day...

Besides, we read constantly in the Book of Mormon, "It came to pass" it never came to stay.

Then, during conference, I had a moment of understanding that kind of defined what was really going on above:

Linda S. Reeves in her talk Saturday morning in General Conference April 2014 said, “It’s Ok if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The Only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer, and weekly family home evening.”

Like Sister Reeves, we try to do these things but they aren’t always the top priority. And, like her, amidst the chaos of everyday life they are sometimes neglected.

When we start focusing on these most important things, even if it means forgetting the chores, letting the kids run around in their pajamas and eating cold cereal for dinner and breakfast, after a while these practices will be more of a help and an enlightening tool that will allow the spirit in our homes and make all the chaos of daily life and home chores be lessened.

Stop beating yourself up over not keeping up with the dishes and letting your kids run around in pajamas. Focus on the better part and keep the spirit in your home. A bonus: the more the spirit is in your home the less you’ll feel guilty about the little things, because in the grand scheme of things, they won’t matter eternally.

Touching Hearts For Good

In October 2013, Pres. Thomas S. Monson addressed the Women of the LDS Church and related a story about a woman, Tiffany, who was afflicted with depression. In short, her appetite had waned and she suffered severe weight loss and her health deteriorated greatly. A friend finally said, “There must be something that sounds good to you.” The, Tiffany replied, “The only thing I can think of that sounds good is homemade bread.” There was none to be had at the moment. The next morning her doorbell rang and a woman she didn’t know, handed a loaf of homemade bread to Tiffany’s husband. As the story unfolds we learn that it was through the enticing and promptings of the Holy Ghost, direct impressions form our Heavenly Father, that this woman had come to bring that bread to Tiffany’s door.

Since then, I’ve heard the story recounted many times in many different places and circumstances, and almost always, it is retold with the note that, We Never Walk Alone. And we don’t! We are reminded through this story that God is aware of our needs and our circumstances. That if we can have faith, we can know that he answers our prayers and helps us when we need Him.

But, something always sticks out to me… The woman that didn’t even really know Tiffany very well at all. Why was she chosen to bring the bread to Tiffany? Why not someone else?

I want to preface by emphasizing that I’m not saying those close to Tiffany were not worthy or were ignoring promptings at all. I just want to make clear that I am not passing judgment at all here.

When I read this story, or hear it retold, I often think of other stories I’ve heard similar to this, where someone was prompted to do something and in following those promptings they were able to touch another person deeply for good.

A woman called LeeAnne had a miscarriage and she and her husband grieved deeply for the loss of their unborn child. A few days after they had experienced the loss, a knock came to the door and woman who they had never recalled meeting, stood with a loaf of banana bread. She informed them that she was friends with the husband’s parents and she had talked with them recently and learned of the young couple’s loss. She had felt deeply moved to get their address and bring them a loaf of bread accompanied with a hand of friendship and an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on should either of them need it. The woman then left and while the couple never reached out to her after that, the fact that they knew they were watched over meant more to them than anything the woman could have said. It left them both stronger and ready to face the rest of world after such a deep heartache.

I don’t know why, but I always relate to the giver rather than the receiver in these stories. And I often find myself thinking, I wish I could be a part of a story like. I wish I could feel the spirit so strongly to know when I was needed somewhere. While these yearnings are, in truth, mostly selfish wanting to be able to be the one that gets to help someone else and be the one that gets to see the surprised look on someone's face when their prayers have been answered through me, there is also the more Christ like desire and aspiration to be close enough to God and His will to be able to receive those kinds of promptings when they are needed.

A runner will lose his speed if he doesn’t practice often, and while I’m far from even in shape, I know many who run and feel a significant difference if they even miss one day of running.

Weight lifters must push their limits continually in order to even hope to be able to lift more than they did to begin with. Its hard work and there are often times when they return from their workout routine more than simply sore.

Chefs study, practice, go through trial and error processes that no one is even aware of until they can find the exact and precise quantities, methods and ingredients to make the perfect dish. Like other professions, if they are out of practice, their perfect recipes can turn into catastrophes if not made frequently enough.

Parents need to hone their skills daily to be able to exercise the patience and disciplines necessary to raise their children. If a parent must leave their children for work, for military duties or anything else, they may find themselves at square one upon their return and it takes practice and much effort to regain the skills they once had.

I’m the oldest of nine children, and when I was younger, I found that my parents far more than 50% of the time would ask me for help doing one task or another. After a while of observing this fact and watching from the sidelines, I tested out my theory. As soon as my baby brother had a messy diaper that needed changed, I would run to the other room and hide and listen. My sister, not 2 years younger than me and every bit as able bodied would be sitting with our mother. Never fail, my mother would call to me from the other room, “Rebecca, will you please come and bring me a diaper for your brother?” I’d laugh and bring it. My father would do similar things as well. Most of the time, they wouldn’t even attempt to ask my younger three siblings for help with things.

It started to bother me after a while, and I approached my parents to confront them about the issue. I asked why they repeatedly asked me to do things around the house even if I was far away in the basement and my brother or sister was standing there next to them. I didn’t expect it at the time, but their answer came as a life lesson to me. They paused and thought about it and answered, “Because you listen.” They explained that it was much easier for them to ask me for help because they knew I would obey the first time in most instances and even if they had to ask two or three times, it was never because if my stubbornness. And that I would do as they asked with the least amount of effort on their part. After we talked, they said they would try to be more aware and give the other kids more opportunities to help so the bulk didn’t fall on me.  They help to their end of the conversation and as my siblings had more opportunities to help, they eventually became more willing and obedient to my parents’ requests.

This is so close to my heart now, and it applies so much to our relationship with God. He is very literally our Father. And as such, he probably feels a lot like my parents did when I was young. He gives us all promptings and inspirations. At first they will be small. Something that isn’t so crucial, something that is really just practice for us to get used to listening to his voice and obeying. Like my mother did when first asking my siblings for more help. It was to get a diaper and bring it to her, or to fetch a spoon so she could make dinner. We will start out getting small thoughts of simple things, maybe it is simply wake up ten minutes early tomorrow and read an extra portion of the scriptures. My mom didn’t ask my sister to watch the baby while she ran upstairs to the bathroom at first until she was sure that she would obey the simpler tasks she had given her. Eventually, my sister became more obedient and she was asked to watch the baby from time to time as well. Likewise, when another of our brothers or sisters on this Earth need their prayers answered through one of us, like a loaf of bread, God will not ask us if he knows we will not obey. Even if he did, we may not be able to recognize his promptings, his voice, because we have not been exercising out ability to hear or recognize it.

If we want to be part of a story like that we must do everything we can to align our will with His and daily exercise our faith in Him. We need to ask Him in earnest prayer to give us opportunities to obey. Ask for his spirit to be with us throughout the day and ask for help recognizing those promptings if we need it. If we do not ask for opportunities, we may not get them.

Let us ask for opportunities to practice listening. Ask for chances to obey. Ask forgiveness when we don’t and chances to try again.

I leave this with you along with the knowledge that I know God is our Father and He loves us individually and without end. God bless and be with you till we meet again.

What Is A Testimony

“Did not our hearts burn within us”? We find some of Christ’s disciples asking this questions among themselves in chapter 24 of the book of Luke in the Bible. They had walked with the resurrected Savior and talked with Him and He had expounded on the scriptures and their hearts had burned within them testifying of the truth before their eyes and their minds even understood what that truth was.

Latter Day Saints (LDS members or Mormons) often talk of testimonies and of the Holy Ghost but describing exactly what that is to someone unfamiliar with the concept might seem as strange as trying to describe what salt tastes like to one who has never tasted it.  

In 2008 during the April General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (General Conference happens every 6 month. It is a time for LDS member – or anyone who would like to listen - around the world to gather and hear The Prophets of God relate new revelation from our Father in Heaven.) Dallin H. Oaks, one of the leaders of the church said this: “A testimony of the gospel is a personal witness borne to our souls by the Holy Ghost that certain facts of eternal significance are true and that we know them to be true. Such facts include the nature of the Godhead and our relationship to its three members, the effectiveness of the Atonement, and the reality of the Restoration.”

But just because someone knows what salt is, doesn’t necessarily mean they would recognize the taste.

“What is salt? I’ve never seen or tasted it before.”

“Well, it’s a crystal. It’s kind of white in color.”

“So, kind of like sugar?”

“Well, kind of, but not really... It’s why the sea has its taste.”

“I’ve never been to the sea.”

“Oh, well, it’s used to season and preserve food.”

“So it is like sugar?”

“Not really. Sugar is sweet, and salt is, salty. Savory tasting.”

You could go into details about the chemical composition and even show detailed pictures of what it looks like, but they would never really know how to recognize it if it were ever in any foods they ate.

The conversation could go on and on, but the simplest way to describe Salt to someone would be if the conversation went more like this:

“What is salt? I’ve never seen or tasted it before.”

“Well, hold on.” you then go into the kitchen and gets the salt shaker, come back and say, “This is salt. Hold out your hand.” The other person hold out their hand and you sprinkle some salt in their palm. “Look at it, and then lick it.” They do so, and you say, “That is salt.”

Similarly a testimony, or the confirmation of truth from the Holy Ghost cannot be completely described with words alone. Through example and someone “tasting” the Holy Ghost witnessing something to them is the only way to really understand what it is.

Yesterday when we returned home from out Sunday meetings, I asked my husband to relate a couple different stories from his mission to our children. They listened intently (for the most part, they are only aged 6, 4, and 3) and after he told the first they wanted another story. Once my husband had finished his stories, he shared his testimony of the gospel, very simply and plainly for them. He shared his testimony of the love Jesus Christ has and the truth of the gospel. After that, I shared my testimony of prayer with our little ones. Once I was done talking to them, I took a deep breath and asked my children how they felt inside. The described how they felt differently, but all agreed that they felt their hearts were calm and happy. Then I pointed out that what they were feeling was the Holy Ghost bearing witness to them that what Daddy and Mommy had said was true. That moment will mark the start of them being able to build their own testimonies on many different fact of the Gospel as they grow because they are now aware of how the Holy Ghost communicates with them to tell them when something is true.

We, as parents, let our kids taste the salt rather than try to sit and explain something that they might not ever grasp on through words alone.

As the Holy Ghost testifies to us the truth of the same thing over and over again, our testimony of that thing grows. We share our testimony with others and through sharing, we help others start to gain a testimony as well as increase our own faith and strengthen our testimonies.

I know that God is our Father. I know He loves us. He listens and answers our sincere prayers and as we strive to do what we know is right He guides us to that which will increase our spirituality and faith. I know that God lives, as does His Son, Jesus Christ. I know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ all can be made whole. All can escape their captivity, whether it be sin, fear or anything else that keeps us from progressing. This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it!

If you have questions about the Mormon faith, please ask me, or another Mormon. Whatever your reasons for asking are, won’t change my love for you or our friendship. Whether you are interested in joining the Mormon Church or just have some questions about what we believe or why we believe it, I would love to talk with you about it. No strings attached.

If you want to know more about me, asking about my faith is the biggest thing you could ask, as it’s the biggest part of my life.